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My First Books, Part 2

September 7, 2011

OK, so you got a taste of what my first-grade self thought was a good book back in Part 1. Here’s where I take it to the next level.

Book 2: A Liuan Can Roir But a Dog Can’t

Text: Wuns upon a time there was a big giunt Liuan and a littel tiny dog. The littel tiny dog said can you roir. yes, you can!

The liuan lion looks so happy, doesn’t he? Watch out, he’s kind of a bragger. Also, chill out, dog! Give a lion a chance to answer!

Text: I can to. no you can’t. yes I can. no you can’t. yes I can. no you can’t. yes I can. I am a Liuan I am boorn to roir.

OMG longest argument ever! Also, see what I mean about the lion? A little grandiose, isn’t he?

Text: you are a dog. dog’s can’t roir. I can. no you can’t. yes I can. no you can’t. yes I can. Well if you can roir do it. Do it[?] Yes do it. I can’t right now said the dog as he ran off.

Oh, dog. “I can’t right now?” That’s the best you could do? What, did you have some urgent hole-digging situation that needed your immediate attention? I’m so embarrassed for you right now.

Text: Wigh not. But the littel tiny dog was to far away to here him. The littel tiny dog pracktest and pracktest. But he couldnt do it.

That’s what happens when you talk smack and can’t back it up, dog. Side note: I like how when he’s trying to roar, some yellow essence-of-lion stuff comes out of his mouth.

Text: he tride so hard his nose fell off. he tride even harder and his leg fell off. he tride harder and harder and his eyes poped out. he tride and tride and tride so hard that his tail nerle fell off.

WHAT? Dude, this just got weird. OK, I don’t know what was going on in my little six-year-old head, but that’s messed up. Also, dog, once your nose pops off, give it a rest. You’ve already crossed a line — for god’s sake DON’T KEEP TRYING!

I do like how I weirdly pulled my punch at the end. Like, it’s fine that he lost his nose, leg, and eyes, but let’s let him keep the tail, at least hanging on by a thread.

P.S. – my favorite drawing here is the nose shooting off.

Text: The nexa day he came to the Liuan. The Liuan said can you roir yet. no. no! no. you are right. A Liuan is boorn to roir. And a dog is boorn to barck.

Well, I’m relieved he somehow cobbled his parts back together. And I guess we all learned a lesson about humility and “just being yourself” here. Note that the lion never loses that smug grin, though. Jerk.

I hope you enjoyed this tour through my juvenilia! It’s obvious I was boorn to be a writer, huh?

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