OK, so here’s what happened. I was on my way back to my office from lunch. I parked in my usual spot in the multilevel parking structure near my building, then went to take the elevator down from the ninth floor to get over to my building.
I rounded the corner to get to the elevators and saw THIS:
Just this fluffed-up, angry-looking pigeon. Just squatting there, directly in front of the elevator doors.
I should point out here that I have a kind of phobia about birds. Here is a picture of me posing with a tourist-prop toucan in Mexico some years ago.
That’s about the bravest bird-related thing I’ve ever done.
So, naturally, when I saw this mean-looking pigeon guarding the elevator door, I veered immediately to the other set of doors and pushed the button over there, hoping I would be able to skitter away without upsetting him.
And of course, which elevator car do you think arrived? Yup, that one.
There was no question of me stepping around the bird and getting on the elevator. I briefly imagined my embarrassment if someone else came walking up and noticed me not getting on the waiting elevator and then realized it was because I was afraid of a pigeon, but that was quickly dismissed when I imagined the onslaught of flappy wings and pointy talons that could ensue if I approached the pigeon. Nope, nuh-uh. Not happening.
But then… THEN? The pigeon took a step toward the open doors.
Just checking things out, very casual. But enough for the doors to sense his presence. The doors began to close, then opened again. He took another step closer, the doors stayed open, but now the “you’re taking too long” buzzer started going off. And just as if this had spurred him into action, the pigeon…
WENT ON THE ELEVATOR!
I. Am. Dying! I can’t believe it. He got on. The doors closed. I stood there frozen.
For a split second I felt relieved, like, well, that’s not ideal, but at least he’s gone and I can call another elevator. But then I realized — THE PIGEON CAN’T PUSH THE BUTTONS! So he’s just sitting there, still on the ninth floor, and if I push the button again the doors will open and he might be MAD that he got trapped in there and come out screeching.
So I scooted down the stairs to the eighth floor and got on the elevator there. Which is where it occurred to me that soon, someone will call an elevator and THAT car will open and they’ll start to step in only to see a pigeon in there and basically I’m dying laughing at the mental image even though it’s mean to laugh at something that would scare the crap out of me, if it happened to me.
Pigeon on the elevator. Wow.